Teddy.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Hey, pumpkin.

Comments

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

So... so Al said you can maybe hear us if we talk to you, so I suppose I should, because at least it’s better that sitting here and staring at your charts, and worrying that Victoire’s going to come back. She was here earlier, causing a scene. Blamed me for everything bad that’s happened to you. Completely barmy, I know. You’d just tell me to ignore her, and Teddy, I’m really really trying.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Your hair is a fantastic shade of red, by the way. Godric would be proud.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Teddy, I-- I always thought that being married would mean security but this is the most fucking terrifying thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I--- sometimes I wonder why this keeps happening. Are we not careful enough? Do I not look after you properly? That’s what--- well, it doesn’t matter, really. Since you’re already here-- and I—nevermind.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Today Rose told me she doesn't want me to have her baby without you. Also, I think Albus and Scorpius know she’s pregnant. I know you said you think I would be a good father…I think I’d like to be a father. You know, teaching our kids how to ride brooms, cooking breakfast for them, reading them stories and tucking them into bed at night-- sending them off to Hogwarts, and hoping they get sorted into Gryffindor… I want that all, I do, but Teddy—I don’t want to do any of that without you. I don’t want to do it alone. The only reason I want to do it at all is because I want to do it with you…so maybe Rose is right. Maybe I shouldn't adopt her child. We have no way of knowing what’s going to happen with you...I just—I don’t know anymore.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

If you could just tell me what to do…If you were here to tell me what to do about you being this sick, then maybe, maybe I could start figuring out what to do with myself…but I just feel lost. Lost and completely hopeless.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Just-- fuck, Teddy, please just—just can you hear me? Just— just-- please, Teddy… I’m right here. Please.




Please.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Your hair-- your hair keeps changing colours, and I don’t even know what they mean. I—I always know what you’re feeling because of your expression, or your eyes, or your hair—and I can’t even tell right now.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Whenever I do anything anymore – it seems fruitless because you’re not there to see it. I caught the snitch yesterday—it was a good one, too, against Puddlemere, and I didn’t even care that we’d won. I was just glad the match was over and I didn’t have to keep flying.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Everyone keeps asking me if I’m alright. Obviously, I’m not, so I don’t know why they even bother. Perhaps soon they’ll stop. I think I’d like that. Even Albus’s fussing is irritating, though I know he’s only trying to look after me because he thinks it’s what you’d want him to do.

I know I shouldn't be so hard on them but they don’t fucking know—they have no fucking clue what I’m feeling, and I’m tired of their pity.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

This isn’t supposed to be happening – why is this always happening? You’re always in the fucking hospital, and I --- I can’t, Teddy—it’s not—I don’t— is it my fault?

You can’t leave me, Teddy. You can’t. I won’t be able to go on with my life. I know it’s what you’d want me to do, because it’s what I would want you to do, but Teddy—I can’t. I won’t. I won’t be able to.

I--- I-- please don’t make me—Don’t leave me, Teddy. Please—I—I love you too much.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

James!?


James?

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

James? James--- stop crying. James. Come on.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Al?

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

I’m here. Shhh.

It’s okay. I've got you.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

No—I don’t—I just--- just leave me alone, Al.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

No.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

But I---

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

Shhh.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Al…al, what if—what if—

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

What if what?

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

I—he, I can’t-

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

He’s going to wake up.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

You don’t know that.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

I do, James. He won’t leave you. He can’t leave you. I promise.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Al.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

Shhh. You’re okay. It’s okay.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

N--no--

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

Accio.




Here, James. Drink this. You'll feel better.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

I-- can't, Al-- what if--

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

It's just dreamless sleep, and some electrolytes for hydration. No funny business.


I promise to wake you up.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

You should go home.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

I will in a bit. Mum's on her way.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Okay.

Tired.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

Here. I wouldn't be tricking you, James. Not now.

Please drink it.

[james-sirius.livejournal.com]

Okay.

[a-potter.livejournal.com]

Thanks.




Sleep, now. You'll be okay.